Less-Known Computer Languages?

Basic-Fortran-Cobol... These


programming languages are well


known and (more or less) well


loved throughout the computer


industry.





There are numerous other


languages however that are less


well known yet still have ardent


devotees. In fact these little


-known languages generally


have the most fanatic admirers.





For those who wish to know more


about these obscure languages -


and why they are obscure - I


present the following catalog.





SIMPLE ... SIMPLE is an acronym


for Sheer Idiot's Mono Purpose


Programming Lingusitic


Environment.





This language developed at the


Hanover College for Technological


Misfits was designed to make it


impossible to write code with


errors in it. The statements are


therefore confined to BEGIN-END-


and STOP. No matter how you


arrange the statements you can't


make a syntax error.





Programs written in SIMPLE do


nothing useful.Thus they achieve


the results of programs written


in other languages without the


tedious frustrating process of


testing and debugging.





SLOBOL ... SLOBOL is best known


for the speed or lack of it of


its compiler. Although many


compilers allow you to take a


coffee break while they compile


SLOBOL compilers allow you to take


a trip to Bolivia to pick up the


coffee. Forty-three programmers


are known to have died of boredom


sitting at their terminals while


waiting for a SLOBOL program to


compile.


Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn


to a related (but infinitely


faster) language...COCAINE.





VALGOL ... (With special thanks to


Dan and Betsy "Moon Unit" Pfau)


- From its modest beginnings in


southern California's San


Fernando Valley VALGOL is enjoying


a dramatic surge of popularity


across the industry.





VALGOL commands include REALLY-


LIKE - WELL and YAKNOW. Variables


are assigned with the =LIKE and


=TOTALLY operators.Other operators


include the "CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS"


FERSURE and NOWAY. Repetitions of


code are handled in FOR-SURE loops.


Here is a sample VALGOL program





. 14 LIKE-YAKNOW (I MEAN) START


. %% IF


. PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND


. 01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND


. 9 C =LIKE GRODY**MAX


. 4K (FERSURE)**2


. 18 THEN


. 4I FOR I=LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100


. 86 DO WAH + (DITTY**2)


. 9 BARF(I) =TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)


. -17 SURE


. 1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM


. ? REALLY


. $$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)





VALGOL is characterized by its


unfriendly error messages. For


example when the user makes a


syntax error the interpreter


displays the message GAG ME WITH


A SPOON!








LAIDBACK ... Historically VALGOL is


a derivative of LAIDBACK which


was developed at the (now defunct)


Marin County Center for T'ai Chi


Mellowness and Computer


Programming as an analternative to the


more intense atmosphere in nearby


silicon valley. The center was


ideal for programmers who liked to


soak in hot tubs while they


worked. Unfortunately few


programmers could survive there


for long since the center outlawed


pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean


curd and Perrier.





Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK


because its reputation as a


gentle and nonthreatening language.


For example LAIDBACK responded to


syntax errors with the message


SORRY MAN I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT.





SARTRE ... Named after the late


existential philosopher.SARTRE is


an extremely unstructured


language. Statements in SARTRE have


no purpose they are just there.


Thus SARTRE programs are left to


define their own functions.


SARTRE programmers tend to be


boring and depressed and are no


fun at parties.





FIFTH ... FIFTH is a precision


mathematical language in which


the data types refer to quantity.


The data types range from CC-OUNCE


-SHOT and JIGGER to FIFTH


(hence the name of the language)


LITER-MAGNUM and BLOTTO.


Commands refer to ingredients


such as CHABLIS-CHARDONNAY-


CABERNET-GIN-VERMOUTH-VODKA-SCOTCH


and WHATEVERSAROUND.





The many versions of the FIFTH


language reflect the sophistication


and financial status of its users.


Commands in the ELITE dialect


include VSOP and LAFITE while


commands in the GUTTER dialect


include HOOTCH and RIPPLE.


The latter is a favorite of


frustrated FORTH programmers who


end up using the language.





C-...This language was named


for the grade received by its


creater when he submitted it


as a class project in a


graduate programming class.





C- is best described as a


'Low Level' programming


language.





In fact the language


generally requires more C-


statements than machine-code


statements to execute a given


task. In this respect it


is very similar to COBOL.





LITHP ... This otherwise


unremarkable language is


distinguished by the absence


of an "s" in its character set.





Programmers and users must


substitute"TH". LITHP is said to


be useful in prothething lithtth.





DOGO ... Developed at the


Massachussettes Institute of


Obedience Training. DOGO heralds


a new era of computer literate


pets. DOGO commands include SIT


STAY-HEEL and ROLL OVER. An


innovative feature of DOGO is


'PUPPY GRAPHICS' in which a small


cocker spaniel occasionally leaves


a deposit as he travels across


the screen.

Less-Known Computer Languages?
OMG… Thanks for the laugh.!


Your star...!!


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Reply:lol
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Worth the read for the laughs!!


Cheers!!
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Very good again so 10/10.!!!


Cheers for a laugh.!!
Reply:ha ha ha funny


thanks for a laugh
Reply:Very funny thanks
Reply:Wow another excellent one thanks